The Moral Strength of Fathers
I was raised to believe that a person must be disciplined, and be in control of themselves, at all times. Particularly, a man must, as he will one day be charged to care for his family, and the undisciplined, unrestrained man will not be able to do this with success. As I’ve said, this is what I’ve been raised to believe, and though I still believe that discipline is important, and self-discipline doubly-so, I do not believe that it is solely the man’s responsibility to set the standards of morality in his house. Why? Because, in a dangerous world, the conveyance of morality from parent to child is extremely important, and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
Even the disciplined man has faults. Never has a perfect man existed. This means implicitly that left to my own devices and opinions about morality, I would inevitably leave holes in the understanding of morality to those to whom I may consider myself responsible for their teaching. To me, this admission is not weakness. Weakness is those fathers who are unable to recognize their own shortcomings. There are too many of those types of fathers, who claim the mantle of moral authority in their homes, and yet who are ill equipped to convey the message of discipline alone, and are unwilling to admit it or seek help.
My goal for my children is to ensure that they have the integrity and moral discipline to make the correct choices in life without me. To that end, I will use whatever means there are available to accomplish the goal. You might think that I’m talking about corporal punishment, or some other violence against my child. You would be wrong. The National Institute of Health, the World Health Organization, and, frankly, Harvard (among other universities) agree that spanking and corporal punishment often have the opposite effect. What I lean on, because I expect my children to have the discipline to survive in what is often times a dangerous world, is knowledge. The knowledge of what would damage the child in my care, and the knowledge that I don’t know everything, leads me to the conclusion that a like-minded partner should have as much say as I do in the raising of my children: my wife.
The reason is, again, simple. Having similar goals for our children, we both want our children to have the internal discipline to make good choices. Leaning on her and working together in all things means that we have double the possibility of catching those holes in our understandings (mine and hers) about how people work, and correct each other accordingly. We are partners, full and equal, in the raising of our children because having two of us, ever watchful, and working to imbue our children with the right moral foundation, we will make our children stronger than just one of us could alone.
And, as I’ve mentioned before, I will forever make the decision that will give my children the best possibility to survive and thrive in this world. If it means breaking free of the mentality that I must always be the sole arbiter of what’s right and wrong in my home, and if it means listening often times more than correcting, then that’s what it takes. I will absolutely not, ever, lay a finger on any of my children because to do so would weaken them, and make them more susceptible to negative influences or belief systems.
No, they are not raised as I was raised. This is the way I choose to raise my children, because I don’t want them to be as good as me. I want them to be better, in all the ways I can help them do so.
